Most children and young people have exams and assessments during their school years. It is normal for this to be a bit stressful. This will be more so for some children than others. Learning how to cope with pressure is an important skill.
Parents, carers and other family members often feel the strain too! This can cause a lot of conflict and stress for the whole family.
Helping your child spot when they are feeling stressed, finding ways to cope, and to ask for help when they need it, is important. It will help them at exam time and in other challenges in life.
Often children and young people feel like it will be the ‘end of the world’ if they do not get the results they hope for. This understandably can make an period of exams feel very stressful. Parents and teachers can sometimes accidentally reinforce this idea because they really want the young person to do the best they can.
The reality is that not getting the results your child wanted will be disappointing but is not the end of their story. Learning carries on throughout life and people find their strengths and talents at different times, some sooner than others.
Sometimes children and young people feel under big pressure to ‘know what they want to do’ at their next life stage but this is not true – there is plenty of time to find the right path.
The important thing for your child is to discover what they enjoy and how they learn best – some children are good at academic learning and others learn best when things are more practical.
How can I support my child's exam goals?
Sometimes expectations can be unrealistic. Use parent’s evenings (take your child along if you can) as a chance to talk about upcoming exams;
It is great if your child feels included in this chat – some young people find this easier than others. If they don’t feel able to join in you could check how they feel about it afterwards and email the teacher together with any questions or worries.
An important way to help reduce exam stress is to feel prepared. This is particularly hard for teenagers whose brain is going through a period of big change; it can make being organised harder.
Help your child make a realistic study plan. It is important to learn to balance study with ‘time out’ to relax and enjoy themselves.
Although you have an important role in helping your child prepare it is important to remember that they are the only ones who can commit to do the work. Help them to think why they want to do their best – their priorities may be different to yours….
DAD - ‘I want you to do well at maths so that you can get on a good college course, and have more chances of a good job’
SON- ‘I want to do well at Maths so I’m in the same group as Sarah’
….but their own motivators are going to be the strongest!
Make sure your child knows that doing well at exams is not the most important measure of ‘success’ and that they bring a lot of pride and joy to you just by being themselves.
Learning to take care of your self and finding helpful ways to cope is an important part of managing stress. Getting rest, exercise and being with friends and family can help keep worry about exams in proportion.
Some of the signs that exam stress is building up for your child might be;
We have a lot of information on Just One Norfolk to help them and you take care of your emotional and physical wellbeing. Take a look at the 'Other Useful Pages' listed at the bottom of this page or have a look at these emotional health activities.
If you feel worried about the impact of exam worries is having on your child speak to their school. You can call us at Just One Number to speak to a health professional.
After all of the preparation and build up of exams, waiting for the results can feel hard. It can make some young people focus on the ‘worst case scenario’.
Not what your child hoped for?
If the results are not what your child hoped, it is natural for them to feel upset and disappointed. In time they may see that it ‘was not the end of the world’ but to begin with they will need your support as they adjust to the news.
Remind them about the qualities you see in them that are more important than results like; being a good friend, making people laugh, being a determined person. All things that will help them build a good future.
As your child hoped?
If the results are what your child wanted or expected, this is a great reward for their efforts. Point out to them the steps they have taken to success. This can be an experience they look back on as evidence they can succeed at difficult things, next time they doubt themselves.
You can contact the Healthy Child Programme by calling Just One Number on 0300 300 0123 or texting Parentline on 07520 631590. Our opening hours are 8am-6pm Monday-Friday (excluding bank holidays) and 9am-1pm on Saturdays.
If you are 11-19 you can text Chathealth on 07480 635060 for confidential advice from one of the Healthy Child Programme team.
For 11–25 year olds Kooth is a free, confidential and safe way to receive online counselling, advice and emotional well-being support.