Blended (Step) Families

Your new partner may also have children. Families come in all shapes and sizes and the ‘joining up’ of family units is very common. If parents are sensitive to the needs of their children this can be a positive experience.

• • It is important to give a relationship time to be sure that you feel this is likely to be a lasting relationship before introducing children to a new partner.
  • Start slowly.
  • Relate have some good advice on managing the challenges of a blended/step family.
  • Discuss beforehand how you will manage any misbehaviour or disagreements between children. It is important that this is done fairly and children do not feel that there is ‘favouritism’.

Separation or Divorce

Separation may involve bad feelings between parents. If you are unable to reach an agreement as parents, family mediation can really help you both. Unresolved parental conflict can be picked up by children which can make them confused and unhappy. Sometimes children can even blame themselves for the break-up.

To support children during a separation and help them with their worries, you should;

• Remind them that they're loved by both parents.
• Be honest when talking about the separation or divorce but keep in mind the child's age and understanding. They don't need to hear all the details or of any potential wrongdoing. 
• Avoid blame and don't share any bad feelings that you have about each other with your children.
• Keep up routines such as going to school and specific meal times.
• Let them know they can talk about their feelings with you – explain that it's okay to be sad, confused or angry.
• Listen more than you speak – answering questions will help them to open up.

Parental Conflict

Whilst every relationship goes through difficult times, if children are around arguments and conflict regularly it is harmful to them. 

Children who are around conflict, notice it. Even if they seem too little, or are in bed, or in another room they will know. Children are very tuned in to the world around them. They can be scared and worried when their parents aren’t getting on.

Try Relate’s Argument Check Up. See how you and your partner can improve the way you discuss things.

If the arguments carry on, counselling support can make a difference. You can go together or separately. It can give you time and space to work out how to improve your relationship. You might decide the relationship is over. Relationship counsellors can help you manage this as well as possible for you and your children.

Find out more about parental conflict

Parental Wellbeing

Having parents who are looking after their own wellbeing during difficult times will make a difference how children manage their own feelings. You are not alone in how you are feeling. 

• Talk to family and friends, and seek support if you need it.
• If you are struggling access your own help; contact NHS Talking Therapies Service Norfolk and Waveney.

Read more about parental wellbeing

Family Mediation

Family mediation is like having a helpful guide when parents are having a tough time making decisions, especially if they're going through a separation or divorce. Think of it as a support system that makes things a bit easier to understand.

Here's the lowdown:

1. It starts with just you and the mediator: The first meeting will just be with you and the mediator; the mediator will make sure you have the right support and know what options are best for you and your children.
2. Keeping Things Civil: Mediators make sure that when parents talk, it's in a calm and respectful way. They're like peacekeepers, helping everyone communicate better.
3. Putting Children First: Mediators remind parents that the focus is on the kids. They help figure out important things like where the kids will live and how much time they spend with each parent.
4. Teamwork Tactics: Family mediation encourages parents to work together like a team, even if they're not a couple anymore. It's like having a game plan for parenting, and the mediator shares tips on being a good parenting team.
5. Sorting Emotions: Sometimes, adults go through tough feelings during a separation. Mediators let them talk about their emotions and help them find ways to feel better so they can be the best parents possible.
6. Creating a Plan: If mediation is successful, you leave the process, though you can go back if you have more decisions to make, with a parenting plan or document that both parents have agreed to.  

Depending on your income mediation may be free with Legal Aid or government vouchers.

And here's the big deal: Family mediation is usually the first step for most couples. It's like a starting point before things get all serious and they have to go to court to settle their disagreements. So, it's like giving everyone a chance to work things out calmly and together before it gets more complicated.

The Family Mediation Trust