Sexuality & Mental Health 

When your child begins to explore their sexuality it can be a vulnerable and confusing time. Having a particular sexual orientation doesn't mean your child has a mental health problem, but the experiences your child has because of their sexuality can impact their mental health. Some of these experiences might be:

• Being bullied or treated badly because of their sexuality
• Family not accepting, understanding or supporting their sexuality
• Friends treating your child differently due to their sexuality
• Society not treating your child equally because of their sexuality.

Each of these experiences can lead children and young people to feeling worried, upset, having low mood or feeling isolated. These experiences can make children and young people afraid to share information about themselves or seek support if they need it.

Helping children deal with the effects of bullying

Looking After Your Child's Mental Health

Giving your child the space and safety to talk to you about how they feel is the single most important way to help support their mental health. You might not know what exactly to say, but letting them know you are there for them and are on their side can encourage them to talk. Alternatively, if you don't feel able to reach out in person, texting them over the phone to reach out can be a good starting point.

Ways to help a child struggling include:

• Being patient, staying calm and appearing approachable. You may be unsure how you feel about your child being LGBTQ+ or how to respond. It’s okay to be honest and tell them that. 
• Recognise that their feelings are valid and it's ok for them to be honest with you about how they are feeling.
• Think of healthy ways to cope with their mental health worries that you could practice together, like mindfulness, breathing exercises and calming techniques. 
• Encourage your child to speak to a GP, someone at their school or an LBGTQ+ support line if they feel uncomfortable going into detail with you. 
• Take care of your own mental health. By looking after yourself it helps you to be present and supportive of your child. 

Many charities and services have been set up in recent years to support LGBTQ+ young people to help navigate their feelings and provide support. Some services that are available are:

Norfolk LBGTQ+ Project - A local support and advice service for LGBTQ+ adults, young people and their families. They provide support groups for young people aged 13-25 in Norfolk and Waveney called BLAH Youth Group.

Norfolk & Waveney Mind - Local mental health services with specialised support and advice for the LGBTQ+ community.

The Be You Project - An inclusive space where LGBTQ+ young people can meet and find support, with advice and support for parents and carers. 

Talking About Their Sexuality

Opening up conversations about sexuality and gender early can help foster an open family environment where children feel safe asking questions, expressing their feelings and making a positive difference in their mental health.

• Prepare yourself - Are you open to talking about these issues in a non-judgemental way? If not, give yourself some time to reflect on why you feel this way. 
• Acknowledge - Understand that it might be tough to talk about some issues, but your child is being brave to openly share their feelings on such a vulnerable subject.
• Listen - Give space for your child to talk and listen carefully, openly and without judgement.
• Try not to argue - Respect their opinions and listen to their lived experiences. 
• Be caring - Tell them you love them for who they are and that you are there for them. 
• Validate them - Young people often explore and question their sexuality. Tell them it's okay and you will be there in future when they want to talk. 

Read another parent's story about their child coming out

You may be unsure how you feel about your child being LGBTQ+ or how to respond. It’s okay to be honest and tell them that. You will probably not get everything right. If you find it hard to come to terms with your child coming out, you may need some support for yourself before you feel ready to support them. If you have mixed emotions or worries about how this may affect your child or the rest of your family you can contact FFLAG on their confidential helpline. They can provide reassurance, information and support. They can be contacted on 0300 688 0368.

Advice on how to respond when a young person comes out 

Talking To Your Child About Your Sexuality

If you are coming to terms with your own sexuality or gender identity after becoming a parent, it's understandable that you may worry about the effect on your child. Being honest and open with your child about who you are will allow your child to accept and value you for who you are, and encourage them to accept other people for who they are. 

Read more from Action For Children about coming out to your children

Every family is different, but here are some things to consider when preparing to have the discussion with your child.

• Think about the timing of your conversation - It may take them some time to process what you are saying, so be mindful of things going on in their life, like exams. 
• Think about where you have your conversation - Choose a private safe space to talk it through where you don't have the risk of being interrupted before you've been able to say what you need.
• Consider their age and personality - Explain in a way you think they will understand using age-appropriate language and detail.
• Be honest and clear - Try not to burden them with emotional difficulties you may be having or unnecessary details. You can seek adult support from friends or professionals for this. 

Advice from LGBTQ+ families on how they approach talking to their children 

Supporting Other People

You may be in the position that you are a trusted adult for other young people who are questioning their sexuality. Services have been developed for trusted adults to be able to prepare them for conversations about sexuality with young people.

The Proud Trust have set up resources for trusted adults of LGBTQ+ children and young people, with information and advice on how to approach the subjects of sexuality and gender identity. Their service provides a live chat function and training resources and education about LGBT+ identities, inclusion and how to support people coming out.