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Finding Out You Are Pregnant - Feelings

You have found out you are having a baby.

Having a baby can be an exciting time, but often people have mixed feelings as they get used to the idea.

People tell us they want to be the best parent they can be-  and this might feel like a big pressure to cope with. There is a lot of information and people to help you get ready to be a parent.

  • Maybe you have always wanted to be a parent.
  • Maybe this pregnancy has come as a big surprise.
  • You may have been pregnant before.
  • You might feel well prepared for what is to come.
  • You might not be sure you are ready.

Whichever of these sounds most like you – there are a lot of thoughts and feelings on the journey to being a parent. 

You will hear a lot from friends, family and on social media about other people’s experiences. Remember every pregnancy is different and try not to compare yourself with others.  
You might be wondering;

  • Is this really happening?
  • Who do I have to support me?
  • Can I be a good enough parent?

Some people may feel happy and excited most of the time. Lots of people have times when they feel down in the dumps and stressed - this is normal.

There are a lot of changes happening in the body of the pregnant person, and emotionally for both parents. There is a lot to think about. Take your time to get used to the idea.

A lot of the early pregnancy symptoms get better as the weeks pass then it can feel easier for the pregnant person to ‘enjoy’ being pregnant.

  • Everybody adjusts to the idea of being a parent at their own pace. Try not to worry if you can’t quite believe it, or if you don’t feel as excited as you expected straight away.

    Sometimes you and your partner may not feel the same way about the pregnancy at the same time.

    • Whenever you can spend time relaxing and stroking the baby bump.
    • Imagine what your baby will be like – this can help you build an early bond with your baby.
    • Picture the things you are looking forward to doing with your baby once they arrive.

    Pregnancy sometimes feels real to the pregnant person sooner - because they are already experiencing the physical changes and lifestyle changes it brings. Try and talk together about how you are feeling and share the experience with each other.

  • You might have lots of people around you; a partner, family and friends and feel well supported. 

    • It is good for you and your baby to ask for help when needed. It makes loved ones feel included too.
    • Tell people what you find most helpful from them. Spend time with people you know have the babies and your best interests at heart.

    You might feel worried if you have less people to support you;

    • Let your midwife know that you are worried about this. They will help you find local support.
    • Join our Just One Norfolk online parenting community to talk to other parents local to you.
    • Get in touch with Get Me Out of the Four Walls, a Norfolk charity helping connect parents locally.

    It is important that the people in your life are safe to be around for you and your baby. Take a look at our Family Networking page to help you think about who you know that might be able to support you.

    You can use the ‘Healthy Relationship Checklist to help you think about this. If you feel worried speak to your midwife. You might want to look for advice or contact Leeway.

     

  • It is natural to worry about what you will be like as a parent – whether this is your first baby, or you have been here before. This pregnancy is a new experience for you and your family.

    Working out what sort of parent you want to be is an important way to get ready for your baby.

    • Talk to supportive friends and family who have been in similar situations.
    • Think about the parents you know and what you admire about their parenting. What can you learn from them?
    • Some people have had difficult experiences in their own childhoods. You might worry this will make a difference to how you parent. Talk to your friends, partner or your health care team about your worries.
    • Complete the free Online ‘Solihull Parenting Course’ to help you feel more confident about understanding your baby.

    Try not to worry too much. As parents you will be learning every day about what works best for you and your family. Remember no parent is perfect. You don’t need to be perfect for your child to feel loved, safe and cared for.

    If your worries and feelings start to make every day a struggle, and feel too much to cope with - talk with your Midwife, GP or Health Visitor. The team are there to support both parents.

    It is always better for your baby and for you to ask for help. Your team are there to help you and will not judge you. They can help you understand your thoughts and feelings. They can help think of ways to make it feel better for you.

Who can Help?

If you feel worried and want more advice you can speak to your midwife.

You can contact the Healthy Child Programme by calling Just One Number on 0300 300 0123 or texting Parentline on 07520 631590. Our opening hours are 8am-6pm Monday-Friday (excluding bank holidays) and 9am-1pm on Saturdays.

If you are 11-19 you can text Chathealth on 07480 635060 for confidential advice from one of the Healthy Child Programme team.

See, Hear, Respond - Best Beginnings and Barnado's are providing free support to pregnant families and new parents struggling during the COVID-19 pandemic.

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